I write things. Usually narrative essays or short pieces of autofiction. My writing has featured in Farsight and The Idler, and my short story about how I ate a famous footballer’s leftover popcorn was recently long listed for the New Writer’s 100-Word Writing Competition. My words are also knocking around in bookshops across Britain and Copenhagen in the form of zines – satirical guides and comical essays.Â
You can subscribe to my blog, Blog Standard, if you’d like. Just pop your email in below. It’s not your standard literary blog, honestly. Otherwise, feel free to waft yourself through some example pieces below.
The Freelance Chicken
Why going freelance is like flying the coup
Entering the Ladmosphere
A short story from the barbers that will absolutely curl your toes
A problem of manospheric proportions
Why Louis Theroux’s documentary reveals the need for a new, emotionally intelligent masculinity​
The Gus Master
An exploration of health through my sauna-based woes
Podcast Episodes
Podcast episode 1: Intro
Me and my soundman get started on recording the podcast. But what is the podcast? We do not know
Podcast episode 2: This is a Manifest Oh No
I get started on my Manifesto for the Age of Despair and attempt to tell a convoluted version of ‘why did the chicken cross the road?’
Podcast episode 3: The Seven Circles of Savage
Here I treat my listeners to my modern poem about a Fibre-optic Carrier Pigeon
Podcast episode 4: The Indian pale Snail
This episode sees me tell a distressing tale of sadness and disappointment and rail against the brewing industry
Podcast episode 5: Technologically Sanitising the Bedroom
I discuss my crimes against sleep hygiene and my disproportionate hatred of the good-looking scientist Andrew Huberman
Podcast episode 6: Stalin Bedsheets
How appropriate are dictator-themed household items?
Podcast episode 7: Sissy Fuss
It’s episode 7 and I finally get around to answering life’s big questions (in the last 4 minutes, first 19 devoted to perms).
Podcast episode 8: Monk Club
This episode cuts right to the heart of the thorny issue of relationships, telling the story of my friend Señor Tradge’s attempt to form a one-man celibacy organisation named Monk Club.
Podcast episode 9: The Christmas Ball Ball
A rare moment of warmth with my sound man is followed by an in-depth interview with Christmasologist Rupert Seabag Seabag
Podcast episode 10: Selfie Steam
Otto Dylan Madz shares his Short Person Personality theory and I read out my barber diary